My mum, Esther Silas, died on 16 January 2023 at 01.43 am. When the call came from her carer, we drove across London as fast as the 20mph speed limit would allow. I didn’t care about points on my driver’s license or a speeding fine. But I heard mum’s voice in my ear…respect the law, I am dead, you can do nothing more.

I decided to share this 3+ minute film of mum, with her permission before she died, as she wanted the law to change. I have a habit of vocalising punctuation when I record messages, which you will hear if you watch the video.

Today the UK parliament will vote on an assisted dying bill, whether to continue with the various stages the papers must go through, or whether it will be voted down again. I am in favour of a highly regulated law for those like my mum who are surviving, not living. For those in extreme pain with a few months to live, who are suffering as no one should. Mum had no quality of life, at the end she could not even use a straw or a spoon to keep hydrated. She repeatedly asked me over many months, asked her carer, her GP, her palliative care nurse and other members of the family to give her “one small pill” to end her life.

I had to endure this experience, watch my mother’s lingering death for longer than I anticipated, but worse she had to live it. The memory stays with me. My dad’s death from cancer was horrific and painful with hallucinations and other bodily breakdowns. His palliative care (morphine) was late in coming, his NHS carers were kind, looked after him well and he was in safe hands.  I watched his decline, his pain, his body swelling and falling apart in front of us. My sister died in hospital at the age of 53, with a morphine pump easing her journey to death. Her’s was the least brutal of the three deaths. I am not 100% sure my three family members were in pain, but I hope they were not. No one should have to experience a painful death when a beautiful death, a calm death, a chosen death is available with family members alongside their beloved. My mum once tried to kill herself by stuffing her mouth with tissues and holding her nose. She was begging to end her life for months.

I understand for some it is a difficult choice, but currently there is no choice for the terminally ill. If this bill goes through, you still have the choice to choose not to do anything for yourself or your loved ones. My mum had no choice to die in a peaceful way, she endured agony, suffering and was deeply angry.